dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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