I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
