I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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