New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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