i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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