drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
