On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
