sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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