Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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