I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
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If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
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My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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