You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
