just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
