So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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