before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize