we have pet lesbian snakes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
