I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
