speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
