that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
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Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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