She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
