some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize