Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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