I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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