Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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