i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I die, sorry about rent.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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