I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize