I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
