Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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