I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
