Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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