i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Did you just see the Batmobile???
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
