at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
We had to coat check the pizza.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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