maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
