I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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