i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
