So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
