Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Randomize
