the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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