I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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