I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
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She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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