Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I think I died a long time ago.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
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When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
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