I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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