My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
