1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
what is it with giant penises always finding me
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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