Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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