I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
