Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
