I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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