I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
