She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
