I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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