a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
