I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
