i don't plan on having that self control this summer
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My penis needs a shock collar
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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