dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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