I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
