I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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