So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
